That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
