took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We are two peas in an std pod
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
