UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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