How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
