Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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