Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
