You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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