I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
