I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
