all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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