he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
