I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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