thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
