Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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