Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
