I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
