My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
