**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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