yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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