you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
