is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
