and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is not my ceiling
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
