I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
