I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
