No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
