remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
