so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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