dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
