marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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