It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I party with great urgency now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
