grandma shit on top of the toilet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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