he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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