I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
