I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
