I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
