neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
