I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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