the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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