Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
