haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Will exercising make me less horny?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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