you're like a bully in the Christmas story
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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