when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
