I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
