and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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