WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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