The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
