I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
