I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Mom said you looked used
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
