In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
