oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We are two peas in an std pod
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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