AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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