I'm lost and stupid without you.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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