I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
