you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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