Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
