just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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