He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
