Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
