Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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