i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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